Emotions – detoxing what we think and what we feel

 

If you are asked about emotions, the first things you might think about could be the more negative emotions such as anger, fear, sadness or loneliness. But have you ever thought that these emotions are a necessary part of our whole lives and contribute to the rich range of emotions that make our lives so rich and fulfilling? Emotions help us experience life in all its joys and sorrows and without emotions we would not be fully human. All of us experience a range of different emotions every day and the relationship we have with these emotions is what is most important, not whether we have a certain emotion or not.

Sometimes we might find that we are stuck in a rut with regard to some overwhelming (often negative) emotion such as anger or sorrow or regret or self-accusation. Or we may find that we swing between contrasting emotions at an alarming rate so that it gets exhausting both for us and the people around us. If you are feeling like your emotions are out of control or you are overacting to life’s normal situations or finding that you are withdrawing from friends and family, it might be the perfect time to consider an emotional detox.

An emotional detox is not simply getting rid of unwanted emotions and replacing them with ‘happy emotions’. It is a deeper and more rewarding process that involves learning how to acknowledge and experience all emotions in a life-affirming way and learning how to process or ‘digest’ emotional experiences in a healthy way. As you focus on emotional detox you will discover tools to help build your emotional and mental resilience and strengthen your mind as well as your emotions. And of course this will have implications for how your body stores and holds emotions as well and there will be lots of tips for releasing trauma as well.

 

Be prepared!

First Step: Many people are surprised when they feel unwanted or unusual negative emotional responses while going through a detoxification series like this one. The most important first step is to recognize that a physical release of toxins may also be linked to emotional toxins.

End Goal: Support your body by staying hydrated, doing gentle exercise every day and getting enough sleep. Eat as much healthy, nutritious food as possible and stay away from foods with toxic associations such as alcohol or sugary foods or high processed foods or caffeine which can all cause spikes in blood sugar that your body can mistake for negative emotions such as panic or stress.

Top Tip

Explore the connection between what you eat and how you are feeling. Our feelings are intertwined not only with our thoughts, but also with the neurotransmitters and physical pathways in our brain. Good mental health is the result of a happy combination of nutrition and lifestyle choices. You can read more about this in my blog on mental health and nutrition here.

 

Don’t ignore emotions

First Step: Actively acknowledge your emotions – this involved noticing them and naming them. Don’t ignore your emotions or stifle them, even if they seem overwhelming or negative.

End Goal: Be curious about where emotions – especially negative ones – are coming from and what it activating them. In time try to be proactive about the kinds of situations or conflicts that make these emotions flare.

You might also find this exercise called “Identifying emotions” useful. I use it with my clients and know it has been helpful for many of them. Every-time you feel trigged, ask yourself the following:

1. What is the situation you find yourself in (e.g., stress regarding your son)?
2. What emotions are you feeling (e.g., anxiety)?
3. What physical sensations are you experiencing (what are you feeling in your body)?
4. What are  your thoughts (what are you thinking)?
5. What are you doing / feeling like doing (behaviour – e.g., binging)?

Calm your sympathetic nervous system

First Step: Notice when your sympathetic nervous system is activated and try to work out what has caused the fight or flight mechanism to kick in.

End Goal: Work out the best ways to calm your body and your mind: breathing techniques, a long walk, hugs and laughter, prayer. Aim to have a strategy in place that allows you to notice and respond positively to the fight or flight reactions that inevitably happen during an emotional detox.

Top Tip

Make an action plan for those times when your most negative emotions are likely to take over. Perhaps when you feel tired and overwhelmed, you can schedule an evening or day to yourself to focus your physical and emotional wellbeing. Or perhaps when you feel yourself getting angry, you can go for a walk outside or go to the gym.

Your vagus nerve is your friend

First Step: Identify any ways that your body is responding to negative emotions – fast, shallow breathing, hot flush, weak joints, sore belly. The first thing you can do to help with any physical reponse to negative emotions is to bring calmness by activating your parasympathetic system through your vagus nerve. You can let out your breath on a long “humming” sound

End Goal: Since the vagus nerve is the primary nerve of the parasymptathetic nervous system (rest and digest), deep breathing prompts it to reduce stress responses, to lower heart rate and blood pressure. It allows the body to start to heal itself! Harness the power of the vagus nerve through breathing exercises such as square breathing or diaphragmatic, nasal breathing.

Top Tip

The Emotional Freedom Technique is a good place to start and you can download their app as well!

Forgive yourself (and others)

First Step: We often tend to beat ourselves up when negative emotions get a grip on us – whether it is stress or anger or depression. Unfortunately being harsh towards yourself tends to add a whole other layer of negative emotions on already painful emotions. The first positive step is to allow yourself to feel negative emotions and work on healthy response strategies without negative self-talk or self-sabotage.

End Goal: What does it look like to forgive yourself and to forgive others? Forgiveness may seem impossible or counter-intuitive in many situations, but it can be a powerful way of releasing yourself from negative emotions like victimisation or bitterness or vengeful thinking which are toxic negative emotions. You may have heard the now-familiar expression: “Forgiveness is not letting someone else off the hook; it’s freeing yourself.”

 

Discover neuroplasticity!

First Step: Our brain literally develops new pathways that reflect the thoughts we think and the more we think specific thoughts (and strengthen them through actions) the stronger those pathways will become. Emotional detox involves recognising the recurring thoughts and thought patterns that are linked to negative emotions and unhealthy physical responses.

End Goal: Learn some strategies for ‘re-wiring the brain’ and changing those thought patterns.

Top Tip

You might like to explore Dr Caroline Leaf’s research through her blog and podcast – for example this podcast titled 5 Simple Strategies to Happiness.

She describes how anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress are all natural human responses to adversity and we don’t need to feel bad about having those feelings. Instead, we should act with compassion towards ourselves as we explore what is causing those feelings and how we can change them or change despite them.

As her research showed, “embracing negative emotions as warning signals, finding the underlying cause(s), AND then managing this by processing and reconceptualizing our thinking results in a significant improvement in bodily inflammation, cellular health and biological aging”. It also empowers us to feel in control of our minds, which can increase our feelings of control over our mental health struggles by up to 81%! She writes ‘feeling bad is not unhealthy if you learn how to manage your thinking!’ Her blogs are full of simple tips for a ‘happier, more fulfilling’ life and you can sign up for her free PDF guide to follow easy, actionable steps backed by science to help reduce stress, and find joy in everyday moments.

You can also explore other systems for retraining the brain such as the Dynamic Neural Retaining System here.

 

Encourage Healthy Emotions

First Step: Harness the power of healthy emotions and happiness and endorphins. Feelings of happiness or hopefulness bring a host of emotional and physical benefits and we all know that the endorphins that come after a long walk or swim give you a real boost. Even laughing along to funny videos can help engage healthier emotions!

End Goal:  Learn how to replace the specific negative emotions that most impact you with healthier emotions. You can use so many different tools to help replace negative emotions – you can journal to unravel the negative thought processes, you can talk them through with a trusted friend, you can do physical activity to break the hold of negative emotions, etc.

 

Spiritual Detox

As a Christian, I am aware of spiritual aspects to emotion detoxification and I also pay attention to what is going on for me spiritually as well as emotionally. A spiritual detox is very similar to an emotional detox but it includes recalibration on a deeper level as we let go of emotional and spiritual negativity and embrace the faith that connects us to God. This involves repentance and forgiveness, the two most powerful spiritual forces that God uses to change us! It also involves understanding how God sees us so that we can start to see ourselves – and other people – in the same way. This also is a powerful tool God uses to bring freedom and hope into our lives! The two important words for spiritual detox are nourish and cherish

Top Tips

As you explore the spiritual aspects of emotional and physical detox, you might like to keep a journal as you process thoughts and emotions. Allow tears and release of negative or damaging emotions as these can also be part of the healing journey. You can also go on a retreat or have quiet days in a safe space where there are other people present who might be able to offer help or guidance if needed. I have found this book so helpful in putting many of the ideas of this blog into practice myself. You might like to order it too: Mastering Our Emotions: Biblical Principles for Emotional Health by Kevin Chapman. 

Many of my clients have found HeartMath and the Lightning Process really helpful. I offer these to my clients so please do talk to me about them in your consultation. I can also share with you some of the books and courses that I have found helpful, including Dynamic Neuro Retraining Systems and the Chrysalis Effect.

You might also like to know about the following helpful resources:

• EMDR with Dr Claudia Herbert at the Oxford Stress and Trauma Clinic – Visit the website here.
• Gupta Program – Visit the website here.
• Constellation (family dynamic focused) – Visit the website here.
• Human Givens – trauma rewind – Visit the website here.
• Trauma focussed CBT (distinct from regular CBT) – Trauma specialised Feldenkrais – Visit the website here.
• Body psychotherapy – NARM – including Boarding School Recovery – Visit the website here.

 

With every blessing,

Emma

Emma Maitland-Carew – Registered Nutritional Therapist

Dip.ION, mBANT, CHNC Registered Practitioner, ILM Accredited Wellbeing Coach

Certified Live and Dried Blood Analysis, Metabolic Balance® Coach, HeartMath Coach, Accredited Wellbeing Coach